Ode to the sunshine

Oh thy sunshine, benevolence you ponder
In my forlone dullsville life.  Thy caressing cozyness
met my abyss, and sought to discover
My heart as its planet

...... to be continued!!

I Miss You

Across number of persistent oceans

thousands of miles away

is a garden 

that seeds love and grows beautiful smiley red roses

there resides my she

Under the same sky

even at the bestiality of ruthless cold

or the lonesome lackluster night

how warm it feels at your presence

how cozyness radiates as I hear you say

I miss you 

Are you love?

Nothing Can Separate Us - A contemplation

Nothing Can Separate Us



I would deny any paradise if I'm told they exist in some other realm,

As i conclude, being with you is bliss; you complete my being

Being with you is paradise; and the elation scales ever-enthusiastic

With you today; i live my whole life in a single day.

The ruthlessness of ever-devastating wind would surrender

The bestiality of the deserting turmoil would befriend failure

Then, the hopelessness would give itself into optimism

And the haplessness plays fine tunes of lucky charms.......

....as long as we are held- hands on hands.

(This brief work asserts semblance to some existing lives; two lives- adding precision. Two lives that are mingling slowly and steadily against massive roadblocks ahead. Both are aware of the difficulty ahead rattles out the irksome tunes of 'impossibility' to many astute ears. In such, after a long intrinsic debate, the author avers to significance of "Commitment". The author determines that "Commitment" is what gives life to a relationship and preserves its immortality. )

Hypothesis- You are not my kind

“Seriously dude, you don’t seem to be of my kind. Don’t think that you’ve gotten my attention or anything like that, I’m talking to you just because you’re my classmate.” Then infuriated her slammed hard on the door, and took an aggressive exit.

I didn’t wish to be of her kind, I’m sure none are of anyone’s kind. The supernatural power we believe in has created each and everyone of different kind. She spoke the truth that she probably was unaware of. She like many of us might never have analyzed the “kind” thing as profound as I have. But she spoke it off. We discovered the common truth - she did it out of her superficial aggressiveness and I did – not an inch different – from long profound contemplation.

No difference, same thing. But what I’m striving to place an emphasis on is your degree of knowledge of what you’re speaking on, and the ability to consume the pleasure then as it channels through. She certainly didn’t know what the scrambled words pushed by her peak fume meant, whereas, I did. Thus she said it, but I apprehended it well. She said it and it served to my entertainment. Pleasure them all came to my way, leaving her shallow, hollow. I think this time again, something that stood me a winner is NOT BEING OF HER KIND – Another reason I’ve to elate on my uniqueness.

My mind then wants to turn the reverse pages of my life and takes a pause on the page where her name was first signified. That day I really woke up very early. My mood was as fresh as early morning dew as I was about to take a leap into a new path of life; a constructive path was to commence- the path that’d take me to the college. Yes, it was my first day to the college. I was excited and nervous at the same time, but I tried to remain as calm as possible. I tried to put the cloak of serenity. I was painstaking at each of my endeavors. I took a seat in the chair at the first row as I entered the class- yes, first row because i believed that’ll be the first step to disguise myself into an organized and responsible student. While other students were busy exchanging information amongst each other, I chose to remain silent-freak. Then, the entrance of the professor in the classroom yielded silence.

The lecture begun, and my professor had all my ears. Meanwhile, late-comers looked odd when they entered the classroom. “Excuse me, is the seat next to you vacant”, some sweet voice entered through my ears and pleased my ear-drums to excitement. “Yes, sure” I replied and there she sat right next to me. I had to apply some good amount of force to cruelly snatch my attention off her and extend it back to the lecture. Why not? She was not easy to resist, but was a devastatingly beauty without a doubt.

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Many said, and i heard - since my early days -but i could today recall it the best than any other days, "Your pair is pre-determined by the 'supernatural power' up in heaven".

"She's not whimsical at all. She is all predictable. She is as palpable as one could feel as a pip of love seeds in their heart. The relentlessness, the desperation, the excitement - they were all there. Yes, she is love". She saturated my ever-lonely posture with excitement. With her name ever mentioned, my heart would take a pause and skip a beat. Those attributes were not common but were divine. The effect they'd make on me offered easy access to the 'Paradise' that i discovered within myself. As the day passed by, my 'first sight love' towards her fostered, i aver.

She was always jailed within the firm pillars of my thoughts, and imagination took tutelary charge of her future shacking it with mine. . Imagination then would stirr out the pleasant fragrance of the dense bond of our togetherness that my heart -in reality- went ever-fond of smelling. Oh joy! i would then feel lifted. Lifted till the upper extremity of happiness, where i find myself lucky to be alone. That'd be the luckiest person in the world and it was noone else but me. She was the ocean of solace where i bestowed all my life till its depth. "Yes, she's the one who was pre-defined for me up in the heaven". I concluded again.

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The day was not so pleasant - early morning rain was too irksome to an ebullient guy like me. It would slower my pace and slowness always hindered. Nevertheless, the dire desire to see her drove me faster than any other days. Althought the sky was shrouded with dark gloomy clouds, the desire to see her was radiantly nimiety. To be able to see her was my only goal of the day, everyday, and i always worked fiercely towards its attainment. As i entered the first class - my eyes were pleased to spot her. I waved her hi and she replied it with another brightness on her lips when she smiled that i could easily die for.

"Dude, Rachael is pretty, isnt she"? Dave threw few pennies of inquisitiveness that i ignored. He further said Rachael was asking about me when i was late for the class that day. "Are you serious" - I uttered out overwhelming and i spill the beans. Dave said she was a friend to him, and further corroborate that he could arrage me a cup of coffee together with her. I couldnt thank Dave more. Dave seemed godsent to find me a way to pursue through and vent off my emotion to her; and imbue her till the profundity of my emotions that were developed only and only for her.

Dave was the man of his words. He defined the very next day as my coffee day with Rachael. We were scheduled to meet up at a local coffee shop at 1 pm. I groomed myself up like never before. It was a big day. It was the day of remedy to my burning desperation. I couldnt wait, and i arrived about 15 minutes before. As i arrived, i ordered a cup of coffee. My heart went dulcet as it liberated my eyes to skip blinking looking at her way.


"Hey dude, how's it going?", Dave's voice adumbrated their presence. I greeted them, and we started talking. I tried hard to hinder my nervousness from registering at Rachael's notice. I gathered all the confidence and we started talking. I wanted to unleash to Rachael what'd been concealed in my heart. I wanted to at least try to show her all the rationals i've discovered how we were meant for each other. I wanted to show her the paradise just a step away. I wanted to be understood, felt and finally accepted. But instead, our conversation couldnt transcend anywhere from the great walls of "Academia". And when it was the time to bid goodbye for the day, i realised i missed the opportunity. I missed my day of possible miracle. But to some degree, i was gratified as i felt the first step was successfully initiated and accomplished.

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To be contd soon.....

Update!

I am thankful to receive email from few of my fellow readers putting forth their inquisitiveness why have i stopped writing.

To answer it - Firstly, thank you for elevating my status terming me a 'writer'. Actually i'm a learner. I write to satisfy my passion of writing when it burns at the peak degree. But for now, i've been very tightened up with my final exams which is to be over by May 22nd. And i'm letting myself to be occupied by the exams, least for now.

I will come back to writing as i'm done with my exams, most particularly, when the passion to write burns yet again.

Till then, hang in there you all!!

Body Lay Still.. Breathless, Lifeless...PART II

continued from PART I

http://casualcreation.blogspot.com/2008_12_01_archive.html#5956669792382238704


........My dad was at my side. My breathes were becoming slower and slower. I could hear the vague muffled voices of the doctors and nurses, as they surrounded me, calling for the black oxygen pump, bag, mask, injections. My body lay still, breathless, lifeless.


Part II...


My vision paled into darkness. I could not see anything or anyone around me. My eyes closed, as I fell deeper and deeper into the darkness. “Was I dying?” I faded out of consciousness, as I entered what seemed like another realm of existence. I thought of my mother and dad. I realized their pain of loosing their only son. Clarity of the love and support of my family and friends filled me heart. Visions of my absence in their lives and in their future came before me. I would not be there to comfort and help my parents as they aged. Tears of sadness washed away the fear of the darkness, the fear of dying. I went to the profound darkness, “death” you could call it in another words, then I knew I was gone and there, the presence of the Hindu God, Lord Shiva, came in within myself. OM NAMAH SHIVAYA, this was the last thing I said and ahead - I was dead.

The next day, miracle happened; Everyone had very lost the hope that i'll open eyes back but when I opened my eyes, I was back in ICU ward, and I realised that I escaped death and I was alive, I had life but I found myself connected to a ventilator and an oxygen tube in my lungs to breathe. To prevent injury and accidental removal of the breathing machine, the staff restrained both my hands at my side. I acknowledged something pulled my life back to revival the other day but I was scared since this was all unfamiliar. I wanted my mother, but could not talk with the tube in my mouth. I heard nurses talking at their station next to my bed, but I could not get their attention with my eyes. Intending to see my mother, I managed to make some noise by kicking the sheet at the bottom of the bed. They were overwhelmed to see me alive. They came over, comforted me, and stroked my hair as if I was their baby. With my eyes speaking for me, they understood I would not be agitated, so they untied my hands. I pointed to a pen and a piece of paper so I could tell them I wanted to see my mother.

When my mother arrived, I could not stop my flood of tears for my mother, my poor mother who had seen her son dying.Every one was happy and surprised to see me awake and able to talk by writing notes. And this news was disseminated all over the hospital in no time.. everyone was there to see me and they were very happy. I gradually improved, though the doctors kept saying they did not expect me to survive. They said, “It was in God’s hands and He heard all your prayers.“ There were many prayers. Every time the doctora said, “Only the miracle and his strength will help him”; my family and friends would pray to Lord Shiva and other Hindu Gods.

The last time I was in ICU, I had the presence and power of Lord Shiva in a dream, the night before my transfer to the General Ward. I was lying in the ICU bed when the skeletons of three ghosts rose from vacant ICU beds. They were the ghosts of death and came to fight for my life. They fought hard, pressing me down. Their power overwhelmed my weak body. I could not move, get up, or run. “OM NAMAH SHIVAYA”, I called to Lord Shiva. My strength returned. God's power smashed away the skeletons.

This dream was the symbol of what would happen that next day. It was calling “OM NAMAH SHIVAYA” that I survived and escaped death. It was a miracle of Lord Shiva. It is by the grace of God, that I am alive. The miracle of Lord Shiva, the dedication of the doctors, and the persistence and love of my family.

My condition improved and the doctor was able to transfer me to the general ward. Though I continued to have a fever, my pain was considerably less every day. Within a week, with the tunes and drains removed, I was ready to walk. One step at a time, and with the support of my mother, I eventually was able to take a few steps in the hall. When Dr. Shyam Bahadur Pandey saw me walking, he said he was happy to see me doing so well. Before he left, he smiled and said, “If you keep up the good work, you should be discharged soon!”

A few days later, I was able to go home. My discharge papers said, "Come back in a month for surgical removal of Gallbladder", I was so happy I smiled!

Having lost 18 kg, I was weak and very thin. Managing the disease with medication, diet, and rest, I was able to stay home from the hospital. In a month, I returned to the hospital for surgery. The surgeon removed my gallbladder and the necrotic portion of my pancreas. There were no problems or complications. We were all grateful for that.

The doctor said that this should not recur since the source that caused pancreatitis (gall stones that blocked the pancreatic bile) was removed and assured me not to worry about about this, Dr Shyam Bahadur Pandey regarded my life as their trophy LoL.

Since my surgery, I am still doing well.. I know that I am fortunate and do not take this for granted.My story has gone full circle.
Life is good, I am healthy, and my future looks promising.
I enjoy all that life offers and I do my best at everything I do.
I am good at sports, games, extra curriculum activities, and my studies.
I am conscientious about my health and am on top of any health problems that develop.
Life is fun, especially, getting together with my friends.


NOTE: The author has appreciated sharing the story amongst us. The author also wishes to make the fellow readers aware of the Disease Pancreatitis which rates rear prevalence but devastatingly dreadful. Written in the year of 2003, few years ago, but remains Evergreen to readers’ eyes.

P.S. I’m the author of this story.

Together With you - Till Eternity

This work of mine is intended to be the plot of the abstract world, where nothing but profound, firm and aspirant feelings exist. Feelings between two dynamic youths that no longer have different souls. Yes, they now share the common soul. But their fortune repels them when it comes to them being together, and the physical togetherness is being hindered. Feelins are being shackled, chained and restrained. Thus, by breaking the existing physical barrier, they’re trying to find their access to each other.
BY the way, dialogue decoded by 'YOU" is female character, and reciprocation to it comes from Male.


Together with you - Till Eternity

You said, “ You’re the melody of my song;
I existed to sing together with you all my life”
“ I’m helpless, haplessness coerces to severance;
melody is hindered convoying with your song.
You belong to me, you reside my heart in the abstract world;
yet far beyond my physical approach”


You said, “You’re my prayers being heard, you are when dreams since ages turn real; hold my hands tight”
“ I’ve lost the nerves in my hands;
there is no access I could find- way to you is entirely blocked.
all that the heart every time calls for is you, but to no avail, you’re my biggest loss.”


You said, “without you my existence is futile, my being is incomplete - death makes sense more”
“ Amid physical hurdles, obstacles in this fickle world perpetually confronting our togetherness.
Looks beautiful the realm behind the horizon, free of physical restrains, zilch confinement;
Only two soul free, merging liberally and till eternity;
Yes, together with you, i'd take that voyage"

Random Ramblings

I've an urge to write something tonight. Yes, something 'on something' or 'about something'. What 'thing'? is still vague. Lets see how well the bright rays of 'urge' rips through the dark cloud of vagueness and gets that "thing". Yes, the absence of light is dark. Is it not? No it has to be. If its not, my ART professor was wrong when she said "Absence of White is Black" (Prof. Cook). Light is also an energy, also has that audacity to sweep away the darkness. In such, perhaps, my "thing" here has a great possibility to show up.

In fact, human urge is quite compelling, isnt it? Its an human urge that drags you to huggle the one who's hurt. Why so? Perhaps, its just the human system being programmed that way, or its an individual specific thing , or may be not, or may be none of above. It might not be none of above, but it indeed is something. But again, the 'thing' is vague. I cannot argue it and many sensible brains join my club there.






----Its 2 o'clock it and have early morning classes tomorrow...May be i'll continue it next time... you folks hang in there.

Justification of Existence - A thought from symphony of solitude

An piercing noise with exhausting contour gets my resting eyes vigil. Clicking of my index finger on a switch sweeps away the darkness, but the silence is persistent. An stubborn silence stable with its firm stature bounces back one result : Interminable.


I looked at the watch, it is 2 a.m. Strange and unknown fear perhaps it was has saturated my heart. I sought the cause, no contemplation happened to be competent enough to yield it. Perhaps it was just a random humanly feeling but it wasn’t adequately persuasive.


Many things in life are not justified, including life itself. The birth of a child to a whining school boy, a terrific youth to a grown responsible man then a father, grandfather, and finally once upon a time. “An infinitive cycle it is and we all are aiding to its consistency” is there any justification to life other than this? Like many “once upon a times” honestly aided this cycle and we “present” are taking our part with another honesty and futures are not equipped to be dishonest to this phenomenon. Are we programmed? Is death a wake up call from a long dream? Too overwhelming to think about, too profound and vague. More profound more vague. I, as a present, am taught to embrace the competition against anyone else to achieve more materials, physical means of comfort, name, fame or glory. “I run and run, be persistent on my run, be more vigor until I’m done” then become the past. Then it transcends to existing “presents”. What is it all for? Justification? I don’t have any. What’s the purpose of our existence.


We don’t seem to quite pay our mind to, but every second passes by, we’re closer to the “wake up call“. This cant be argued and is certainly not quite elating to accept. Then, how come things we achieve consuming those seconds, or minutes or hours are the good news? As it, in another and perhaps less visible hand, is ramming us closer to our exit.


(Collection of few words from the depth of the thoughts while enjoying the symphony of solitude)